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Shivani Jain

Courage Doesn't Mean You're No Longer Afraid


Courage is usually identified by the absence of fear; with putting up a brave face because you’re too scared to be vulnerable. Courage is reminiscent of someone donned in armour; fighting with the evil outside and choking the demons within. I, too, did this for so long until my sanity gave in.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but conquering that fear with sweat and tears. Courage is when your inner demons become bigger than you and yet you survive them. Courage is when you take the fire they throw at you to ignite yourself with hope. Courage has always been you.

My mother told me once

I should be polite,

That no matter what or who

Always be respectful

And in times of differences, always be quiet.

My father instilled in me

The fear of losing my name.

Everything that I say or do

Must be done keeping in mind

My family, its reputation and fame.

I grew up in a town where society takes the call

On what I do, where I go and who I become.

My fate was written in stone

Under the name of my father, my husband and my son.

And if I would want to work,

I should better be alone.

After all, who needs to work

When you can have all the comfort

Of a big house, few helps and a bag full of gold.

I believed everything they said.

I promised to be the damsel in distress

I dreamt within my set limits

Which was safe and yet less.

Until I woke up..

To break all the barriers

And kick all the knights

To burn all the gold

And carve my name in skies

The damsel in me

Put on a dress

Of dark lace and sheer back

It walked with much finesse

Fell down nine and got up eleventh

In tenth I laid and cried

Unlearned a lot and learnt I knew nothing.

I tried and failed and failed and tried,

Until my sanity began to sting

Courage became my last name

And stubborn my first.

I finally saw the world through my lens

Saw everybody's sky and earth

But my ground is sky and the sky is pink.

And that is all that matters!

I colour my future in the shades of present

I wander in ruins of my labyrinth

I create my dreams starting from the sky

I say hello right after a goodbye

Trailblazing my own fire,

Now my mother takes it from me

The courage she lacked initially

And my father’s name comes after mine naturally

"And when they dare to tell you about

All the things you cannot be,

You smile and tell them,

'I am both war and woman and you cannot stop me.'"*

*Excerpt from Nikita Gill’s An Ode to Fearless Woman


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